Date of publication: October, 1998
Computers, Phone Lines, and PrunesA Cautionary Taleby Michael Finley
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by Mike & Harvey Robbins |
Remember the old commercial for laxative breakfast cereal? Prunes were good for solving the problem, but you could never be sure -- if six were too many, or if three were enough.
We am having that problem in our home now. Only with computers and phone lines, not prunes.
First let me say that the Finleys aren't your quintessential materialistic family. We don't hire shoplifters to fetch us cashmere sweaters and Armani suits. I see us at times as being almost spiritual. Mental, certainly.
Having said that, I look around and man, do we have a lot of computers. In the past few months, we have bought three new computers, and are up to four phone lines. And here's the killer -- they aren't enough.
I thought we were lavishly equipped last year. I used an upgraded Pentium desktop machine. My two kids shared an old 486 running Windows 3.1. In a bag I had a no-frills laptop for vacation and travel. Plus we had an old 386 we used as a doorstop.
But get this: when kids get older, they change. Static games and art programs aren't enough any more. They've bigger, more expensive fish to fry.
When we remodeled our family room this summer, we brainstormed an ideal setup. Jon wanted fancy: a 3D graphics games system. Daniele wanted functional: a basic Internet connection for chatting with her pals. And each wanted to be away from the other.
I wanted a new laptop, for giving presentations. I plunked my credit card down at CompUSA and bought a Toshiba Satellite 335CDS laptop, a multimedia machine running at 266 Mhz. I like it.
Then bulked the 486 up with a new motherboard ($125) and 200 MMX Pentium ($200), and 32 megs of EDO memory ($40), and I installed Monster 3D ($200). For under $600, I created a pretty souped-up PC for the kids.
But while the sun shone brightly on Jon's life, green-gray clouds of envy formed over Daniele's. The better the system, the more time each kid wanted to be on it. Since it was designed more with his needs in mind, she felt included out.
I thought about refurbishing the old 386, the way we did the 486. But the 386 needed new everything; we were better off buying an economy system. I called a cheap mail order house and bought a $650 PC and a cheap $150 SVGA monitor, and stuck a $60 56k modem in it. I even added a separate phone line to the house, for her exclusive use. What the heck, she's a teenager, right?
So in three months I had bought three new computers. Which, combined with the old 386 and old laptop, whose resale value is so low I might as well keep it, means there are five computers under my roof. And the oldest PC in the house belongs to the tech writer.
I also had four phone lines now: one for the family, one for my little business, one for my Internet/fax use, and Daniele's. Surely this was enough for a family of four people.
But it isn't. Jon has discovered online game-playing, and has built a web site to attract new players to his coven. Since he uses the home line, people trying to get us on our main line get a busy signal. Rachel, my life partner, isn't getting her calls, and they are important.
I am faced with the choice of telling Jon he's all dressed up but has nowhere to go, or telling Rachel she drew the short straw, and can't cross the bridge to the 21st Century with the rest of us.
A fifth line will cost $20 a month. What should I do?
I can rationalize it, and I can shift my budget around so I can afford it. But what's right? Then I remembered the first law of technology: you ain't seen nothing yet.
I'm going to cross my fingers, and start gulping prunes.
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Michael Finley is co-author with Harvey Robbins of