Originally appeared in the Saint Paul Pioneer Press

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Most people, seeing Microsoft take over the computing world, simply shrug and accept it as the way things are going to be. They adapt.

But for those who have made negative public statements over the years about the company, the takeover has more ominous implications. Read this actual true (really!) account from a reporter friend in Seattle, where the takeover is already complete, and you will understand.

Dear Mike,

It all started with a late night knock on the door. There stood a very pleasant woman named Marie, holding a clipboard.

"Good evening, sir. I am here to inform you that you have been classified as W-14 and are to be transported to Microsoft Reeducation. No need to pack -- everything will be provided."

"But I haven't done anything," I said.

Marie presented me with a thick dossier. It contained everything I had ever written about Microsoft products, with negative passages highlighted in yellow.

"Is this your work?" Marie asked.

Doggone, they had me.

But they were pretty nice about it. I got to say goodbye to my kids and stuff.

And I liked the people on the bus. We all talked trash about how buggy Windows 98 was, and laughed. They couldn't change us -- we were tough-minded journalists!

But when we arrived they split us up, and I didn't feel so tough by myself.

It wasn't so bad. Reporters were actually treated pretty well. I had a little cubicle and a PC and a cot. We had to keep writing until we started saying nice things about Microsoft.

"But I haven't been that negative," I told Marie. "I even use some of the applications. I know I have WordPad on my hard drive -- somewhere."

"Did you ever say that in your paper?" Marie asked, a knowing but hurt look on her face.

"Well, no, not exactly," I said.

"Don't you think it's high time you got started?"

She was right. I tried the first day, but the attitude wasn't there yet. I couldn't resist the temptation to recall a horrible install experience I had -- force of habit. That's when I felt the first electric shock.

"Wow," I said.

"Oh, that's our Correction Wizard," Marie said. "What do you think?"

"Effective," I chattered, fingers still trembling.

Marie toured the facility with me. She showed me the mess hall, and how to scan my retina in the meal line and type in my password to get the day's water ration.

There was the volleyball pit, and the classrooms, and of course The Box, which was like a big gym locker standing out in the hot sun, with the name "Kawasaki" scratched on it. She led me through a kind of barracks factory, where former Mac users were putting CD-ROMs in plastic slipcases.

There was kid's camp, where they teach the young people how to identify miscreants in their families. And there was a special spa for tough cases. They didn't look so tough now, though, staggering across the grounds on the arms their attendants.

I saw John Dvorak, muttering to himself in a wheelchair with a plaid blanket on his lap. And there was Jim Seymour, making a beaded wallet.

"Sad," I said.

Marie just tapped her temple and squinted at me in a cute kind of way. I got it.

What I like about the camp was it is very easy to understand. Everything you say or write is on disk, and you are asked to rethink your negative opinions. Microsoft knows all about you, every infraction, plus a lot of embarrassing stuff, too. They knew all about my posts on alt.rec.Bill.Gates.is.really.mean. And my subscription to Snide Techie Humor. Oh, man, was my face red.

I read some of my old reviews, and I don't know what I was thinking back then. I complained about slowness, crashes, and "anticompetitive marketing practices." And I got really mad at myself, because Microsoft is a really good company, when you think about it, and it gets real hot in The Box.

What struck me was how thorough and organized everything was. Everyone who was anyone was there. Marie told me they were still rounding up a few scattered partisans in the high country, but that was just a mop-up action, and having the National Guard helping out was a real plus.

After a while, I wondered what the point of that resistance was. I mean, how bad is it to have just one operating system, one set of applications, one bank, one airline, one utility conglomerate, one branch of government, and one grocer?

In a way, it's better, because you know they care.

So when I get back, you won't hear me bellyaching any more. Anyone can be negative. But it takes a special person to look on the good side of everything, and be happy about it.

And that will be me. Just as soon as I get my mind right.

America's Best-Loved Technology Writer(TM), Michael Finley has a free gift for visitors to http://mfinley.com.

America's Best-Loved Technology Writer(TM), Michael Finley has a free gift for visitors to http://mfinley.com.