Michael Finley

"Dealing with Alcoholism"

Reprinted from his "What Ails You?" columns for Twin Cities Business Monthly

© 2003 by Michael Finley

Watching old movies, I'm struck by a recurring motif, where the businessman welcomes the visitor to his office and routinely pours him a drink of golden whiskey from a crystal decanter.

You got the feeling you’d get the whiskey if you’d just come in to pay your gas bill.

Which made me think two things. First: Gee, they went out of their way to pack a few drinks into all those scenes. I'll bet it gave the actors something to do with their hands.

Then, staring into the teacup of merlot I had nestled in my palm: Hmm.

After 100,000 years of practice, alcohol intake remains one of mankind's more sought-after biophysical rituals. Within moments of swallowing, the alcohol seeps into the stomach lining and radiates through the body and brain.

The reliability of alcohol is due to the size of its molecules. Where other substances are blocked from breeching the body's blood-brain barrier -- I know, that's a lot of b's --  alcohol is waved right in.

The instantaneous effects feel more social or spiritual to us than molecular: giddiness, conviviality, ebullience, euphoria. It's cheap, quick, and easy. For the moment, we set aside the potential for disintegration, death, and, somewhere between the two, job loss.

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